Awake... again.. at 4am... I could set my watch to it I really could. Yesterday morning I woke up bang on 4am... and couldn't get back to sleep for neither love nor money... This morning... I woke up bang on 4am... only this time I was on the couch!!!!!  The last thing I remember is watching the new CSI and drifting off whilst my brother was talking to me.... 

I don't remember him leaving.. I don't remember being covered up with a blanket... I don't remember the dinner dishes being put away... or the living room being tidied....

The only thing I do remember is Warwick and Nick calling to me.. naked.. from the bedroom....

OK!!!!   Maybe not the last bit...

Yesterday was one of those manic days... really crazy.... clients.. court... course planning... college phone calls and new car hunting.  Throw in a police interview and moving furniture too... and you've pretty much summed up the day.

Whilst I was at Court an old family friend (a District Judge) saw me and welcomed me back "to the madness that is the justice system"... and told me he was pleased to hear I had made the right decision by not moving to the States.  I wonder how different our conversation would have been if I had given him all the facts?  Am I lying by omitting to tell people the real reason I'm not going to the States?? Would their opinion of me change if I told them I had discovered he was having another affair... and that he had been advertising for and found... a woman on the internet whilst at the same time calling me.. making plans.. telling me he loved me and my daughter... wanted to be a family with us.  I don't know.

Is omission a lie? 

meh...

It does make me wonder what other lies he has told though... and what other lies he may tell.... How does one ever trust people again when one has been lied to so badly.  I mean.. I thought this man loved me more than anything else in his life... (well apart from his dog... I'm not THAT deluded) He was certainly telling me he did... and yet... at the same time that he was telling me he loved me and making plans to be with me... buying a house for "our" future... he was trawling craigslist looking for hook ups... and getting them.

How does one trust a person again when they have lied so bitterly??? I don't know...  I guess its a moot point... I don't wish to... nor do I have.. any inclination to speak with him ever again... so I don't have to trust him again do I.  And was he lying to other people?? Or was he just omitting to tell them about me.... doing the same to them.. as I am doing to others....

I think I actually got the good end of the deal... the people around him will be caught up in his lies... completely oblivious to the lies he has told.. or is telling.... Then again... was he lying to me when he told me that his friends knew about me.. knew about his plans... Was he lying to me when he told me his cousin told him to quit dicking around and fill out the paperwork to get me there?  Was he lying to me when he told me his best friend said the same thing.  Was he lying to me when he told me about the guy he worked with who was trying to get his Russian girlfriend to the States?  He lied about so many things... so why should he have been telling the truth about these things?? 

What slightly amazes me is this shows how devious people can be.  He built a complete alter ego as a who wanted to be the father to a little girl.. a husband to a woman.  He built himself up as a loving caring man... and he did it for so long... for YEARS... and yet the  whole time he was living a completely different life to the one that he was telling me he coping with.

I recall the many many conversations with him where I was overwhelmed by his "woe is me" attitude.  Everything was so hard on him... work was horrid... life was horrid... family problems abounded... he would tell me how he never went out... how he socialised only very rarely...  He told me how he was sick of the bar scene... how he had found the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.. how he would cry himself to sleep at night because he wanted me there so badly... and yet.... it was all lies.... a complete fabrication in his mind.

I guess it doesn't matter that he told such horrendous lies... I guess his lies are of no consequence to anyone else... because.. ultimately... I am the only one who has been hurt by them.